So my mom has finished her chemotherapy treatments on December 23rd, 2009!! Best Christmas present ever!
Next step... radiation... I'm not too sure how radiation therapy works, but the doctor gave my mom some teeny tiny tattoos on her missing breast... I guess they use the markings to laser and KILL cancer cells & shrink tumors. Hopefully this will work!!
Below is a website that describes what radiation therapy is (in case you are not too sure what it is):
I decided to show my mom this blog today.. so I sent her the link via email. This is the email I got from her in response to her seeing my blog:
Hi Shana,
I have to tell you that when I opened your blog and read it, I cried. I had been having a bad week – I caught Tony’s cold although for me it wasn’t a cold. I had nothing to fight anything it off so I ended up with laryngitis and pink eye in both eyes. I hope that I will be able to receive chemo tomorrow.
Anyways, I have had to cancel out of every Christmas party and was starting to feel depressed. My dream job opened up today, and when I read the requirements, I started telling myself I couldn’t do that. Then I opened your email. Your email gave me hope. It’s exactly what I needed at this time. Knowing that you care is one of the greatest gifts a mother can get. I know that I wasn’t what you wanted as a mother when you were younger, but I always hoped that I would become the mother that you would know that you could count on through thick and thin and also be proud of some day. I love you, my daughter, with all my heart.
Fighting breast cancer is all about hope. Today you have given me the hope that I have fought off this disease and there isn’t anything that I can’t do – including being able to get and be successful at my dream job. Thank you for being my angel of hope today.
Love, Mom xoxoxoxo
Reading this email made me cry. I don't know, sometimes I feel like I'm living in a dream.. as though life is just passing by, and I cannot change what is happening to it -- fate? Destiny.. maybe, but I do know this: I made my mom's day. Just when I think I'm having a bad day, I realize that other people (including my own mother) are way worse off than I am. It makes me happy (in depths of my heart) to know that I gave her a "pick me up" and made her week.
Below is the email I sent in response to hers:
Hi Mom,
I'm glad that you liked my blog. I'm sorry that you caught Tony's cold and was sick.. hopefully you can have chemo tomorrow. As for your dream job -- go for it.. I know that you are more than qualified to hold that position, and you need to always reach for your dreams (or like in Kris Allen's song, "live like your dying and know that it's not too late). :)
I love you mom, and I know that things were not always perfect, but there's always here and now (and the future) to make up for things that happened in the past. Although we cannot change things that have happened, we can learn from them and move on. Dwelling on them gets us no where, and what kind of life would we lead if we went no where?
I am glad I made your day. I love you and know that I am thinking about you.
As I was listening to the radio this past week, I had one of those "warm, fuzzy feelings" while listening to "Live Like We're Dying" song by Kris Allen. At first I was like "wow, this song is awesome," but after actually listening to the song (and looking up the lyrics) I truly appreciated how good this song actually was. Of course it made me think about how life's too short and to appreciate the things you have. I thought this song was perfect to add to the background of my picture movie thingamajig. (see below for lyrics). :)
My Beautiful Mother
Kris Allen - Live Like We’re Dying Lyrics
Sometimes we fall down and can’t get back up We’re hiding behind skin that’s too tough How come we don’t say I love you enough Till it’s to late, it’s not too late
Our hearts are hungry for a food that won’t come We could make a feast from these crumbs And we’re all staring down the barrel of a gun So if your life flashed before you What would you wish you would’ve done
Yeah… gotta start Lookin at the hand of the time we’ve been given here This is all we got and we gotta start pickin it Every second counts on a clock that’s tickin’ Gotta live like we’re dying
We only got 86 400 seconds in a day to Turn it all around or throw it all away We gotta tell ‘em that we love ‘em While we got the chance to say Gotta live like we’re dying
And if your plane fell out of the skies Who would you call with your last goodbyes Should be so careful who we live out our lives So when we long for absolution There’ll no one on the line
Yeah… gotta start Lookin at the hand of the time we’ve been given here This is all we got and we gotta start pickin it Every second counts on a clock that’s tickin’ Gotta live like we’re dying
We only got 86 400 seconds in a day to Turn it all around or throw it all away We gotta tell ‘em that we love ‘em While we got the chance to say Gotta live like we’re dying
Like we’re dying oh - like we’re dying [x2]
We only got 86 400 seconds in a day to Turn it all around or throw it all away We gotta tell ‘em that we love ‘em While we got the chance to say Gotta live - like we’re dying
We never know a good thing till it’s gone You never see a crash until it’s head on All those people right when we’re dead wrong You never know a good thing till it’s gone
Yeah… gotta start Lookin at the hand of the time we’ve been given here This is all we got and we gotta start livin it Every second counts on a clock that’s tickin’ Gotta live like we’re dying
We only got 86 400 seconds in a day to Turn it all around or throw it all away We gotta tell ‘em that we love ‘em While we got the chance to say Gotta live like we’re dying
Like we’re dying oh - like we’re dying [x2]
We only got 86 400 seconds in a day to Turn it all around or throw it all away We gotta tell ‘em that we love ‘em While we got the chance to say Gotta live like we’re dying Live like we’re dying [Fade out]
So this is me and my mom at "Making Strides Against Breast Cancer" at the state house in Providence, RI. Pretty neat news: my mom was the top contributer for fundraising money, and won a trip to Arizona for a Breast Cancer Convention.
Anyways, this is the "glitz and glam" side of this disease.. it might look normal on the outside, but if you knew what she went through on a weekly basis, you would know how much of a toll the treatments have taken on her body -- but never her outlook on life.
Speaking of keeping a positive attitude on life, I don't know how she does it. I see it's hard on her, she has to stay away from a lot of public places and refrain from attending church & spiritual meetings -- which let me tell you, that has been her saving grace which she has used as a healing tool previously in her life. I don't know, I guess you have to be positive -- there's no ifs, ands or buts about it, but its hard not to say "why me," "F*ck this," or even "I'm giving up," which, of course, you can NOT even think about or say.
I do know this: ever since her diagnosis, she has always looked on the "bright side of things" and has kept her head up even when her day gets dark & stormy.
I know it has been a while... and I must admit, I thought I would be good at keeping up with this blog. Unfortunately, my pseudo ADD took over, and like many other things I tend to start and never finish, I never got around to continue with my blog.
However, due to my masters program, I am forced to make a blog and keep up with it.. so mind as well be this one right? Well, I guess it has been roughly 7 months since my previous post, and to be honest, a lot of things have happened with my mom.. perhaps I will post them collectively, or at random. I'm not sure, but what I am sure is that I have many stories to share.
First, I will post some pictures of my mom throughout her journey - see below:
This is my mom in August -- She had already undergone a mastectomy in June, and started her first round of Chemo.
Mom "making strides against breast cancer" at the breast cancer walk in Providence (October).
My brother & my mom -- it's funny because I'm not sure when this was taken, and my guess is that it was before she started Chemo (she shaved her head). As of right now, this is how her hair looks right now, as her hair starts to grow back in.
My mother looked beautiful in her yellow shall yesterday -- the color of happiness and hope.
Hope...
My mother was diagnosed with IDC (Invasive Ductal Carcinoma) Breast Cancer yesterday June 3, 2009.
Breast Cancer + my mother + me = never EVER did I ever think that I would ever have to face the "C" word. I always thought about it, felt empathetic towards those who had it, but never thought twice that I would ever have to be affected by it so personally...
::WAKE UP CALL::
Well as I said, my mother was fully diagnosed yesterday with IDC stage 3, grade 3 breast cancer. FABULOUS! Now what does this mean? Well, she will have to undergo a double mastectomy, chemo, radiation and reconstruction... all within the next few months to come.
How does it feel to hear that your mother is diagnosed with breast cancer? I guess I am still trying to wrap my head around this, trying to figure out what to expect in the few months to come. I must remain ALWAYS positive and be there for my mother. She will need the support -- especially from me and my brother (although she does receive massive support from all of her friends & co-workers)... but ours she will need most.
I don't know where to go from here, but I am sure that where ever I am to go, it is only the beginning of a long journey ahead.
I am an out-going person who loves to meet new people. I love drinking tea & being outside. I love the beach & being a tan-aholic. I have a slight obsession with art history and my cat Jake. I love to go to the library and read good books.
I'm not sure what else to write since I find it awkward to write an excerpt about myself.
